Comments on: Allow Your Adversaries to “Save Face” http://philcooke.com/saving_face/ Change Revolution Tue, 22 May 2012 20:38:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Elizabeth Conley http://philcooke.com/saving_face/#comment-7260 Elizabeth Conley Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://philcooke.vintom.com/saving_face#comment-7260 <p> You are so right Phil.  The real challenge is in actually pulling these face saving maneuvers off.  Any pointers on that will be gratefully received by yours truly!  Some people are really good at this.  I'd love to hear any advice the most graceful among us care to share! </p> You are so right Phil.  The real challenge is in actually pulling these face saving maneuvers off.  Any pointers on that will be gratefully received by yours truly!  Some people are really good at this.  I’d love to hear any advice the most graceful among us care to share!

]]> By: matt g http://philcooke.com/saving_face/#comment-7261 matt g Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://philcooke.vintom.com/saving_face#comment-7261 It takes great humility to pull this off.  I work with a few people that actually alienate their own employees by not allowing them to save face.  Instead, humiliation.  The end result: an unhappy employee that turns into a "yes man" as he tries to find ways to save face in future decision-making. It takes great humility to pull this off.  I work with a few people that actually alienate their own employees by not allowing them to save face.  Instead, humiliation.  The end result: an unhappy employee that turns into a "yes man" as he tries to find ways to save face in future decision-making.

]]> By: Jenna http://philcooke.com/saving_face/#comment-7262 Jenna Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://philcooke.vintom.com/saving_face#comment-7262 <p> Good thoughts, Phil. I think "face-saving" techniques are good to learn even when working among non-adversaries (so that they do not become adversaries!) Here are a few things I have learned from being both the embarass-ee and the embarass-or:  </p> <p> 1) Try to respond rather than react to situations.<br /> </p> <p> Had the stewardess quietly and calmly informed you that she needed to get a tag because the luggage did not appear to fit, when she returned she could have been pleasantly surprised. Instead, she reacted in frustration, possibly because: a) It was the umpteenth piece of non-fitting luggage she had dealt with recently; b) Her baby spit up on her uniform that morning and she was reprimanded for being late; c) It was her husband's birthday and she had to work, etc. Since she did not offer an apology or try to smooth things over, there was probably little you could have done except pray that the Lord would bless her and hope for a non-eventful flight.  </p> <p> 2) Try to deal with potentialy embarassing situations privately. </p> <p> I am privileged to work with a music minister who is a master at making people feel "safe" when they perform. Even though the choir and orchestra are a large group, he tries to express concerns privately if they just concern one person. For example, he will not announce, "The trap set is TOO LOUD!" or "Mary, you are overpowering everyone!" Instead, he will either go to the person for a quick quiet correction or make general comments like "Let's focus on blending. I'm hearing individual voices sticking out." If that still does not work, he will start rearranging people on stage "to get a better blend" (actually, he is moving Mary away from the microphones!") Having been the recipient of more than one of his private comments, I greatly appreciate not having hundreds of eyes focused on me while a correction is being made. </p> <p> 3) Soften the blow with a compliment and/or try to be as tactful as possible. </p> <p> Everyone likes to feel that they - and their ideas - are important...and usually an idea will at least have some merit. Some adversaries can be won over by expressing appreciation for and validity of their views. Ex: "That is a good idea, which I think might work if we (had a bigger budget, more staff, etc.) However, I think we might need to go in a different direction."...or..."Do you have suggestions for making your idea work (within this budget)?" </p> <p>   </p> <p> These approaches require constant practice and are easier said than done. Any other ideas? </p> <p>   </p> <p>   </p> Good thoughts, Phil. I think "face-saving" techniques are good to learn even when working among non-adversaries (so that they do not become adversaries!) Here are a few things I have learned from being both the embarass-ee and the embarass-or: 

1) Try to respond rather than react to situations.

Had the stewardess quietly and calmly informed you that she needed to get a tag because the luggage did not appear to fit, when she returned she could have been pleasantly surprised. Instead, she reacted in frustration, possibly because: a) It was the umpteenth piece of non-fitting luggage she had dealt with recently; b) Her baby spit up on her uniform that morning and she was reprimanded for being late; c) It was her husband’s birthday and she had to work, etc. Since she did not offer an apology or try to smooth things over, there was probably little you could have done except pray that the Lord would bless her and hope for a non-eventful flight. 

2) Try to deal with potentialy embarassing situations privately.

I am privileged to work with a music minister who is a master at making people feel "safe" when they perform. Even though the choir and orchestra are a large group, he tries to express concerns privately if they just concern one person. For example, he will not announce, "The trap set is TOO LOUD!" or "Mary, you are overpowering everyone!" Instead, he will either go to the person for a quick quiet correction or make general comments like "Let’s focus on blending. I’m hearing individual voices sticking out." If that still does not work, he will start rearranging people on stage "to get a better blend" (actually, he is moving Mary away from the microphones!") Having been the recipient of more than one of his private comments, I greatly appreciate not having hundreds of eyes focused on me while a correction is being made.

3) Soften the blow with a compliment and/or try to be as tactful as possible.

Everyone likes to feel that they – and their ideas – are important…and usually an idea will at least have some merit. Some adversaries can be won over by expressing appreciation for and validity of their views. Ex: "That is a good idea, which I think might work if we (had a bigger budget, more staff, etc.) However, I think we might need to go in a different direction."…or…"Do you have suggestions for making your idea work (within this budget)?"

 

These approaches require constant practice and are easier said than done. Any other ideas?

 

 

]]> By: Sam Scozzari http://philcooke.com/saving_face/#comment-7263 Sam Scozzari Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://philcooke.vintom.com/saving_face#comment-7263 I think the reason to help the other person save face is because we, as Christians, are to comfort our brothers and sisters whenever possible.  The worldly benefits of being treated better or the absence of being treated badly should not be the motivation for being good to others, but merely a worldly benefit.  The real reason is that we are to be servants of each other. I think the reason to help the other person save face is because we, as Christians, are to comfort our brothers and sisters whenever possible.  The worldly benefits of being treated better or the absence of being treated badly should not be the motivation for being good to others, but merely a worldly benefit.  The real reason is that we are to be servants of each other.

]]> By: Cheryl Johnson http://philcooke.com/saving_face/#comment-7264 Cheryl Johnson Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://philcooke.vintom.com/saving_face#comment-7264 Saving face is showing grace (unmerited favor) and mercy, two of the things our Lord shows us on a daily basis. As He is, so are we--in this world. How else are others supposed to see Him, except reflected in us? Saving face is showing grace (unmerited favor) and mercy, two of the things our Lord shows us on a daily basis. As He is, so are we–in this world. How else are others supposed to see Him, except reflected in us?

]]>