Here’s the rub. Chief Execs, Senior Pastors, Creative Directors (sorry) tend to work an excessive amount, and enjoy doing it. Therefore, the people that are the next rung down the ladder work an excessive amount if they want to impress the big guy. In addition, these folk are great at sucking up, that’s why they have gotten as far as they have. So by working long hours with the boss they either become friends and get perks or the leader tires of them and they get fired (familiarity breeds contempt).

The problem is exacerbated when the boss is a male and the employee is a female (or vice versa). Mark Twain’s tweak of the famous phrase come to mind at this point: “Familiarity breeds contempt – and children”. Even if it doesn’t get that far, it can ruin careers and families.

Phil’s right (again). The onus is on the leader. Grow up and be an example to your team, make friends outside of the office. That means setting boundaries with those closest to you at the office and keeping personal and family time private. You don’t need to always have people sucking up to you. It’s not healthy for leaders or their teams.

It actually creates a very toxic environment to work in for all. Employees end up back biting and leaders end up frustrated because they don’t know who to listen to. The leader either spends more time being a “puppet master” because he/she enjoys it or they end up constantly turning over staff because they get frustrated with issues and agendas.

Great blog Phil!

As my personal assistant, from my side of the desk, he was the best possible solution. I had to manage very little, and received more than the job required, but over a 18 month period my life long friend built so much resentment that he eventually cut me out of his life all together.

Now a decade later we are finally rebuilding those bridges, but what a waste. Talent and relationship completely ruined.

Lesson learned? Arms length from 5 till 9, and as honest as possible from 9 to 5. 

It would be advisable for those employees to have friends they don't (yet) work for.

I expect that attitude in the secular world although my secular boss was one of my great friends also and it work out great, mostly because I understood the difference between being a friend and an employee.

Thank God the church I currently serve at has a very close staff and ever since the pastor dropped the barriers and the denominational rules of "no close friends with your staff" the synergy and the momentum has continued to increase and is NOW incredible.

After being on staff now for over ten years I can say it was Not always like that. It was especially hard with some spiritually immature staff.

Now after seeing all three ways I can say there is no substitute for the later, although it is difficult to achieve. Bill Hybels book on Courageous Leadership changed our staff forever for the better. We now have competent, character and chemistry within all our 10 full-time staff pastors and it is absolutely phenomenal working there.

I can't help but wonder if perhaps secular reasoning has entered the church world. I was taught in bible school that staff should NOT be close to the senior pastor. This is probably great news if you are relationally dysfunctional, but I don't believe it's very Scriptural. Think about it, nobody told Jesus He couldn't be close to three people on his staff and how dare John refer to himself as the ONE whom Jesus loved. Maybe Jesus should have said, "from now on I call you "employees" rather than "I call you friends.""

Just something to think about

God bless

Dr. West 

Ps Phil keep up the good work, you really are one of Christendom's hero's!